Toxic Grind Machine - Judah, Let's End

no one here will ever know my pain
I know i'm desperate for change
(desperate and down)

all my life
i've been peeling my wounds thinking
all my life
how much more can I lose?

you see me surfacing
but this time I cannot find myself

all my life
i've been waiting to blow
just a time bomb mind
i'm afraid to let go

one hit and my world goes black
I promise you i've never fucking coming back

losing everyone I know
i'm wondering where this will go
you see me surfacing
but this time I cannot find myself

searching out my reasons to live
searching out my reasons to stay with you

save me
all this fucking people never stop
save me
all I ever wanted is to be forgotten

no one here will ever know my pain
I know i'm desperate for change

all my life
i'm the one you control thinking
all my life
with no thoughts of my own

you see me surfacing
but this time I cannot save myself

all my life
i'm not like you at all
but I compromise
just to get what I want

one touch and my world goes black
I promise you i'm never fucking coming back

how can I make this go away?
i'm already apart of things I can't change?
how can I make this go away?
I'm already apart of things I cannot ..

cut the rope
i'm almost out of here
what you know
is only part of it

I could beg you for all your forgiveness
but why even try, I know I'm a failure

[excerpt from 'The Hours' film]

i'm not afraid of taking my life
(take my life)
if you were me, you'd understand why
(you know why)
all this suffering has to lead somewhere
(lead somewhere)
even at my end, I know you care
torn away
don't belong today
is it possible i'm too late?

what would you
if I put you through
all the shit i'm forced to survive in

Judah, i'm blind in this place
Judah, I am waiting

avarice heart is the face of who I am
tell me i'm the one that you prayed for
sulfurous born in a lake of innocence
I confess of all the hate that i'm made of

Judah, i'm godless and sick
Judah, I am waiting

all my life
I can see the regret
and it's all just fine
but I never forget

one touch might make me real
but i'm falling apart so get the fuck away

losing everyone I know
i'm wondering where this will go

you see me surfacing
but this time I cannot find myself

pulled apart and back again
feeble smile and stumbling
meaningless
meaningless
who am I?
weight on my chest
weight on my chest
fuck me

how can I make this go away
i'm already apart of things I can't change
mother you know this just isn't pretending
my face on the floor with the vomit i'm spilling

cut the rope
i'm almost out of here
what you know
is only part of it

I could beg you for all your forgiveness
but why even try

i'm not afraid of taking my life
(take my life)
if you were me, you'd understand why
(you know why)
all this suffering has to lead somewhere
(lead somewhere)
even at my end, I know you care

wish only wish I was dead
(i'm not real but i'm..)
since i've been born, i've been wasting my breath
(i'm not real but i'm..)

wish only wish I was dead
(i'm not real but i'm..)
since i've been born, i've been wasting my breath

[second excerpt from 'The Hours' film]